In Living Grey

When you live in a world of colour...how can you only see in black and white?
Imagine full colour with no colour...
Depression is a world that I'm living in,
There's only one colour...grey
Everything is in one shade.
Everywhere I turn...it's the same thing...
How did I get to this place,
Where all is ill...
Where the reverse is what I want...
Where my heart,rejects me
Where all of me is stewing in painless pain...
Where I really,honestly,truly,
Know not what to do,
I can't fix this...it's not that I don't know how to,
I can't...fix this
I said I wasn't spinning out of control...I spun out of control,
And got thrown onto a new dimension,
The solution to a broken heart
Was to never love again,
To hurt feelings
Was to vent it out,
To unforgivable deeds
Simply not forgive,
What's the solution to double loss with absence,
Cheat me out of this place,
Distract me all day and all night,
Because the moment you stop,
It'll still be there...
I'm awake when I'm asleep
And asleep when I'm awake,
And it still feels the same...
I'm drowning in a waterless land,
Unable to see...I can't see,
I'm so so sad.
Hakuna machozi naweza lia nijiponye.
How do I reach out to myself,
Even I don't know how to be here,
Please pray for me...
I mean,really pray for me
Interceed...

Sonia.

O.D

If I overdose on a drug...I won't die,
I'll wake up with faces,
Faces...staring at me with wonder,
Questions...tears...remorse full of regret
Genuine hearty emotion.
If I overdose on something else,
It won't be enough,
I won't die...
I'll keep going,
Keep searching
I'll get physically unwell,
Mentally fatigued,
Emotionally confused...unstable,
Wait,I'm already that,
Well further more...
But there's one,
Something I've overdosed on,
Sacrifice...
I sacrificed myself,my mind,my time,my energy,my sanity..
My soul...my body...my will,
I gave everything...
And now...I have nothing left to give...nothing left to sacrifice
I'm crying with my thoughts...
Crying with my words,
Crying in my dreams...
I have no tears of expression,
No more fears of oppression
Wooing me...is depression.
What confided in me was my sanity,
What came alive in me was my humanity,
But no more...
There's no trust anymore
So it all just drifted away...

Sonia.